Day 2 You are part of God's plan

What a great piece of news! You are not an accident, or a mistake. YOU are part of God's perfect plan. In Isaiah (God speaking) 55:8-9 it says,

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."

Many times we blame God for things that happen to us. He's not the author of pain, but He can, and will, work it out for our good. (See Romans 8:28) I know many of you have had tough pasts, as have I. In fact I know a fellow who's own mom tried to kill him several times. He is now a mighty man of God who travels the world spreading God's word. I don't know if you know who James Robison is, he's a famous preacher/evangelist who's also traveled the US and the world spreading the gospel. His mom was raped, and even though everyone advised her to end the pregnancy (have a abortion) she did not. She didn't want to kill her baby, no matter what. I don't know the whole story, but I believe he was adopted and raised by someone else, but I'm not positive on that. God had his days planned even though his conception came about by pure evil. Now for the question of the day.......

"I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?"

Oh my. This is a tough one. Let's go in order. What areas of: My personality?
Golly this is tough. Um, I guess I could say my lack of patience and the ease with which I reveal myself. Many folks are very private, I am not. There are some things that folks don't want to hear. (And here it is....) My background? As a young child I was taught that Jesus loved me, in fact at 3 years old I distinctly remember waking up Christmas morning, getting on my little knees, and singing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus. Less than five years later someone began molesting me. My brothers and sisters had all left home by then, and I was all alone, or so I thought. Even God had abandoned me......or so I thought. Mom and Dad were very busy with things and the person abusing me assured me that if I told, they would die. This went on for several years. Then, just as quickly as it started, it ended. This person was about 6 or 7 years older than me. He was not an adult, but a minor as well. I believe his parents allowed him to watch pornos and whatnot as a young child and that messed him up. Then he messed me up. That would have to be the single most hard thing for me to accept. (It left me very confused, and SUPER angry. I didn't really talk about it until I was 21, and I really didn't let go completely until just 5 or 6 years ago.) At age 12 I began using drugs, alcohol, whatever I could to block out the memories and the pain.....and it worked.....for about 18 years. I thought I had dealt with it when I called and forgave him after surrendering to Jesus. But I later left the Lord and went about doing my own thing again. I didn't renounce Jesus, I just stopped following Him. He kept me safe. After years of drug addiction and alcoholism I got to a point where I finally prayed, "Lord, either set me free, or kill me. I don't want to live like this. Well, I'm here typing, so you can see He didn't choose to kill me. I remember shortly after I gave up and asked the Lord to take over my life.....I was praying one day and I asked why so many others I knew died doing the things I was doing. He gave me vision of a little boy on his knees singing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus. Yep......it was me. He spoke to me and said, "For him." Even as messed up as I was, He still saw that little boy singing to Jesus on His birthday. I know many folks had it much worse than I did. But that is one area that I used to really struggle with.........even after the vision and words spoken to me. But I know now that the Lord uses me to speak to others who had similar experiences. I can say "I know how you feel." and I really do. And lastly..... Physical appearance. Hmm. Well, I'm fat. Hehehehe. 5'11" 275 pounds. I was barely 90 pounds in high school. At 20 I was 115 pounds (of course I was a meth addict at that time....literally skin and bones). Folks are worried about me, so I started working out. I'm not unhappy about who I am, or even my weight. I usually laugh and say, "I'm fat and happy." I guess some folks believe it's a bad witness, and I guess it is. But I don't know if God gets all worked up about that or not. I think not. But in order to be able to preach and sing for any amount of time, I need to be in better shape. So whether or not I'm skinny again or not, I need to be in better shape. Anyway......that's all I can think of now. :-) James

PS: Don't feel sorry for me, or pity me. God has dealt with all these things and has healed all the hurts. If it's too hard or too personal, you need not answer today's "Question of the Day". But please don't let that keep you from posting.